That question I will never avoid being asked...

...Why are you single?
Other variations of this question include:

1. Where is your boyfriend?
2. Are you focussing on your career?
3. Are you a lesbian?
4. How do you meet people?
5. Are you trying?
6. How can you eat out alone?
7. Are you too picky?
8. Do you know what you want?
9. How long have you been single?


I'm sure some of you can plainly see the look on my face without looking at me right now.


To answer these questions:

1. I don't have one.
2. Yes, but it's not my main focus in life.
3. Yes. If I'm not bound to a man, it means I must be a lesbian. Thanks.
4. Rock shows, grocery stores, TTC, through friends. Anywhere and everywhere.
5. If by trying, you mean to ask if I strike up conversations with anyone, then yes.
6. Because I hate being restricted by couple-dome. If I wanna steak and don't wanna cook, I'll go to a resto and avoid pathetic looks from the wait staff.
7. No, I just know what I don't want, which in turn creates an argument for what I want.
8. I thought I did...
9. Three years with a couple months of relationships squeezed in.


Lately I've been getting variations of these questions quite frequently. Of course it's always married or coupled people who ask these Q's. And I always tell them the same answer "I just haven't met the right guy yet." I don't know what answer these people expect.
And it's always married guys who tell me "If I were single, I'd date you." Ew. Sleezeballs. Is that supposed to make me feel better?

The long and the short of it is that I have specific requirements for a boyfriend (listed below). Some of you may think I'm dreaming. (If this is your case, perhaps yo're not in a fulfilling relationship. Grow a pair and get what you want. Life is too short to be miserable with someone.)

Req #1: No drugs and no alcoholism or smoking.
Flexibility: Having a joint or cigarette once in a while is acceptable (weekly/monthly/annually). Daily is not. Coke, Meth, Heroine constitutes immediate fail. Also, I'm all for having fun drunk spells once in a while (monthly).

Req #2: Must be over the ex.*
Reiteration: I will not tolerate being courted by a man who is not emotionally invested in me.
*This is why I cancelled my eHarmony account in February. All these twerps still had hard-on's for chicks who ditched them.

Req #3: Must be a good guy (with a spine).
Clarification: I once was on a date with a guy who asked me (with arms flailing in a gelatto shop) why girls say they want nice guys, but don't stay with them for long. I told him a lot of nice guys don't have a spine. He paused and then admitted he had no spine. Therein lies the problem.

Req #4: Must be willing to commit to being in a relationship.
Reiteration: Dating is fun, but I want it to go somewhere. I'm not out to dick around and date four people at once just for the hell of it. My time is too valuable and I really enjoy getting to know a person. If the man's goal is not relationship-bound, I'm not interested. Usually this is sorted within the first three weeks of dating when a guy expects to get laid and doesn't. If  he's really interested and has the best of intentions (and the same goals as myself), he'll stick around.

Some people think this makes me picky. I assure them it simply means I have standards. I'm not willing to let people walk all over me, or to bend my rules. Of course, compromise is key to a relationship, but that's only possible if both parties desire similar outcomes.