Welcome back :)

Having returned from surfing in March, the past two months have been quite the revelation.

Been training dirty, eating clean and really loving life!

As I write this I am cookin' up some pancakes. A recipe I made up, and find quite delish.
  
Spelt Blueberry Pancakes

1 cup of ground spelt flakes
1 egg
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/3 cup lactose free 1% milk
1 cup frozen blueberries
1 banana (to sweeten)
1 tsp honey - for topping
1 tsp coconut oil for pan

Instead of syrup, drizzle honey over your pancake!
Makes 2 more than enough for one, and a lovely light brekkie for two :)
Frozen blueberries distribute more evenly throughout and don't sink to the bottom!

Yum.


Eating clean has made a huge difference. When training dirty and hard, and eating clean, you can actually see the muscle cutting through your flesh a lot quicker. Super cool. I'm down to a size 6, can run up stairs without getting winded, and my quads are looking stellar. Wearing shorts, is so much more fun this summer!


Ok ok, I know you want a guy update!!

I was seeing one for a couple months, but he was quite the liar. The same old story, really. He was bald, 39, worked in finance and had an ego the size of the Taj Mahal.

What is new is how I recently reconnected with a longtime pal Saturday night and ...sparks flew. I have known him for nearly 10 years. And our little date was so lovely. We were both so nervous and I couldn't understand why until we met up. There's always been chemistry there, yet we never explored it. I wonder why...

It was so lovely in fact that a week ago, I had a date planned for Sunday night and I was relieved when he bailed!

Saturday was one of those nights when you have a perma-smile for the following days. And it was so awesome, nothing could spoil it.


And more developments include learning how to SUP, my Spanish courses, and having fun. :)

More developments will be posted more frequently. Promise!

;)

Aurora....

Even though I have yet to leave on my next surf adventure, I have already been researching my next!

I am determined to see the Aurora Borealis.

I'm not quite sure if I will go to Alaska or Yukon, perhaps even Alberta or Northern Ontario. It really depends on timing and what other adventures I will work around it. But I am already excited to go adventure touring up there! Yes, in the frigid cold!

My goal would be to tie the adventure in around experiencing Native culture, as well as hunting and living as the locals do, no fancy spa's or hotel.

Let the planning begin!

Gym Rat - Showing off abs in coffee shops.

I hadn't seen my gal pal in a week, so we met up for coffee. I lifted my peach shirt to show her my new tattoo (it's on my left rib) and BLAMO! She nearly fell backwards from my baby ab muscles poking out.

"Where did those come from?!"

My dreams. Haha! I guess dreams can come true!

I've been practicing my pop-up's and I'm so much better at it now than I was this time last year. Surfing is gonna be so much easier this time around. Half of the battle is popping up properly. Don't get me wrong, it's gonna be challenging. EXTREMELY challenging. But at least I will be able to get up more frequently. Knee boarding is fun, but the feeling you get when you stand up on that board and the wave pushes you at an accelerated speed... Nothing compares.

So looking forward to being here...

Slushy weather bring's out the gentlemen...

I was bounding home after work, my usual bouncy self when he approached me. Perhaps it was because I had my sights set on going to the LCBO to pick up my favourite wine by the Cupcake Vineyard so I was extra happy.

He surprised me when he came up behind me and commented on my boots. I was wearing my DC snowboard boots since it was so slushy out. They are losing their waterproof factor, but they still prove to be the warmest pair I have. But I sure had a giggle when said handsome stranger remarked that I was not in the Tundra and needn't wear those. Ah ... the backhanded compliment. Why does it work?

I was oddly charmed. Especially when he offered to carry me across a huge puddle of slush. I declined with a big smile and a giggle. Though I was amused, I was happy he didn't follow me into the LCBO. It was a fun silly moment and needn't be anything more.

Unfortunately, You Gotta Just Deal With 'Em

Yup, more haters after me coz they can't deal with my gymning.

And yet another person at work tells me that I am too skinny. What's with all the haters? Some facts:

I eat 1600 - 2000 cals a day depending on my activity.
I regularly eat a big breakfast. (Like 400-500 cals worth)
I weight train and weave come cardio in there.
I eat dark chocolate. I love my red wine. I also indulge in pasta from time to time.

And the most important thing - I am happy!!

Don't rain on my parade with your own insecurities!

Said jealous person should try the following:

Eat - Starving yourself doesn't work.
Work out - Looking good takes effort and pain and suffering. It's hard. You gotta have the mindset for it.
Keep a positive mindset - You need it to plow through the workouts. Plus, smiling will instantly make you look prettier
Drink gallons of water. Clears the skin and your system. No bloating!
Don't eat garbage - this includes Pop, anything with Fructose/Sucrose and HFCS (high fructose corn syrup), MSG, anything enriched, anything fried, any fast food, and 'fake' food (like margarine).

MzRawkqueen revolutionizes into a Soul Surfette

       It's about the time, n'est ce pa?

When I first started out at 21, with the blogging and such, my moniker was Rawkgrrl. I had the music news site for over a year and was quite successful in drafting a small population of  writers from across Canada. It helped us all build our portfolios, so really it was a win/win. I also got some awesome merch and was able to meet some wicked bad ass bands (Anti-Flag, Bad Religion + local stars which no longer exist)

After I closed the site down (it grew beyond my control and I don't have a business background, so I decided to end it while on top), I continued the blogging under MzRawkqueen. Brought the cutting edge attitude and style to work; listening to techno while composing insurance presentations - something not everyone can pull off efficiently like moi.

The past two years have enraptured my spiritual side. I delved into Spiritualism and and taught myself how to use the Rider-Waite deck. I also started to meditate more frequently and am teaching myself how to do water scrying.

Aside from my divinatory development, I've also been directly focused on my physical strength and endurance. I started surfing last year and fell in love with it. I also fell in love with dead lifts and the like. And so the hard work continues well into the New Year. Today was legs day. And man, I felt it. Just call me Noodles.

In point, my evolution continues and as such I am now Soul Surfette. As such, the blog domain has changed as well.

Perhaps this is yet another notion of how I can't be pinned down by a man either. I am looking for one willing to grow with me. :)

mz rawkqueen

Let It Out

I can't begin to apologize for how much I love this song:

Another latest addiction of mine is MFH Magazine, not to be confused with FHM, ok? (Already made that mistake with searching for online editions, whoopsie!)

MFH is like Oxygen Magazine without all the other crap. I read a workout mag to read about technique and cutting edge health news, not about what nailpolish colour is hot and six ways to cook hamburgers.

Anyhow the workouts work because people have noticed I've lost weight, which is hilarious because I have weighed the same for the past two months. I am obviously building more muscle and leaning out like a fox.

I am so loving this!

Sleeping Sickness

In the span of two weeks we had met an awkward evening following the big lie. We both knew we needed to have an honest conversation so we did over a glass of wine at a nice little bar down the street from my place.

Admittedly, it was one of the most serious and honest conversations I've had with a man - it eclipsed all those 'Talks' in past relationships.

The movies - He explained he knew I would be recluse after what had transpired so he tried to reach out; the intent was to show me he is still very interested. I - having put up the thickest brick wall - judged him as being a bit of a show off and self involved. What I saw as his need to search for acknowledgement really was indeed just that - he was just trying to prove his sincere interest, but I saw it as a negative thing since I was still sitting behind my wall.

The lie - we didn't talk about that. We had chatted enough about it. Instead he told me more about his son and his struggle with his son's mother.

In all honesty, for us to really get to know each other, The Mexican and I both had to acknowledge our own mistakes and move past them and each others. Sealing myself up wasn't the answer. Opening up yourself makes you vulnerable - that's the part I don't like.Which explains why I've been single for a while.

What really hit me though was how much of my BS this guy was willing to put up with to get it through my thick skull. He is definitely worth a second try.

So when the flu officially hit me Tuesday night and he offered again to come over Wednesday night, I said ok. He hadn't been to my place yet. It was tidy, but I looked like a mess.

The Mexican actually brought home made soup. And Bolthouse Farms carrot juice. He didn't say much. And that's what ultimately makes me wonder so much about him. In any event, he was there, heating up soup on the stove. He served it to me. He did my dishes.

I had a terrible migraine and the back rub he gave me really helped. And we just laid there in each other's arms. It was really nice.

Wtf was I so scared of?

Prepare the Escape Hatch ...

He and I are meeting up tonight as mentioned earlier. Just a wine thing at a wee bar. Except he jumped the gun yesterday and asked if I wanted to go see Gangster Squad on Sunday night.

My girly Ria said that the flick was awesome, so I thought why not? It might be a nice way to ease the pressure. (You know, since movie's don't require much talking.)


...Well wasn't that the most awkward thing ever!


When we were making our way through the maze of a line to the kiosk, The Mexican said he will grab the tickets and I can grab the popcorn. In the past, I would have obliged. However, he fucked up and he's trying to court me properly now. So he can fucking spring for the popcorn if he wants it. I had brought my Twizzlers anyway, so I didn't want anything else. He seemed surprised by my popcorn protest, though he didn't complain since I was open to share the Strawberry candy.

Then we sat. The small talk was painful for me. For some reason, he felt compelled to communicate more often during the movie. And he kept looking at me while I watched. It was weird. It felt like he was searching for acknowledgement. I smiled and blushed at all the right moments. What more does he want?

I think he's more used to chicks throwing themselves at him and chasing him. He tries too hard to pump himself up. All I see is a guy desperate for attention. He's so self involved, he doesn't realize he isn't courting me as he should.

A couple days ago he started to text me provocative pictures with little winky faces. And when I don't respond right away he asks if I received the pictures. If I like them or not and why I don't send any. All I ask is why he sends them.

His response?  "So you know what you're missing.'

Ugh.

It's all in the details

I have simmered for a day and a half, so I'm good to write in reference to my previous post with more perspective.

I think.

Anyway - here's what pissed me off. I was in his house. He was redecorating. There were about 12 empty frames hung up on one wall. Only one had a picture in it. And it was an old-looking portrait of a kid staring at the lens who looked a bit blinded by the photographer's lamp.

I asked if that was him and he said it was. The Mexican went into an elaborate story of how his friend said he looked angry. He confirmed he had been upset because the photographer had taken about five pictures by that point.

Odd to have a pic of yourself as a youngster on the wall of your own home, but... oh well. To each their own. I said nothing further and we moved on to chatting about other things.

On the phone a few days later, he tells me that the picture was actually of his son.


Inhale.

Exhale.


Ok, so he has a 7 year-old son. (With the same name of him. How...cliche.)

What else?

Oh yeah, he was married to the mother, when he was 22. They got divorced at 25, right when they found out she was pregnant.


Inhale and exhale again.

What else? 

His son lives in Mexico with his mom (where he is originally from). He never gets to see him more than once a year. Apparently it's too expensive to fly to Mexico. He also thinks his ex is an unsuitable mother but he 'let' her have custody.

Uh... This guy is a VP - he can afford one return flight to Mexico a month. Does he not know about seat sales and GroupOn? This is just too much.


Okay. Well. Now what?

I was pissed. And the only thing I was pissed about was how he made up an elaborate story about that goddamn picture. He could have been mature and told me the truth then. Or he could have just said he didn't want to discuss it now, but would rather chat later (Not too late, mind you.)

I am a compassionate and understanding person. We all have histories. He refers to history as baggage. He said he wants to find someone help him unpack.

I think I just checked my luggage for the trip back home by my onesies...


What also irks me about The Mexican is how he got mad at me for being upset about his lies. He tried to transfer his guilt onto me. No way was that gonna happen. I stuck to my guns and said I wasn't apologizing.

He said he wants to work things out. How he thinks I'm an angel and we should give 'us' a chance. Not sure I would consider giving my heart to a guy who 'let' his ex take their son.

I know people make mistakes, and I am willing to look past this (eventually). I just can't get over how he lies so easily. And how it was so believable. Of course, I'm afraid he will lie to me again.

This guy's been friend-zoned until he can prove he's worth something more.

The Skin We live In

He said those pics were of him when he was little.

Days later he tells me he was married and those pics are actually of his son.

And he doesn't understand why I am upset he lied.


The real conflict comes with trying to find a resolution. We both want one, but how to move past it. The trust has been compromised. And actions do speak louder than words when it comes to reparations. But what actions does he take? Flowers won't say anything. Only time will tell, perhaps.

MzRawkqueen has evolved!

Soul Surfette it is. And the domain name will change too.

New Email addy will be soulsurfette.blogger.com so save that in your favourites!

Thank You, Universe

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I am awestruck. And I am ever grateful.

The New Year post.

So it's typical for New Years posts to encompass resolutions. I am still well in the development of the one from two years ago - progressively getting healthier. I am continuously at the healthiest point I've ever been and this is where it all started.

My Fitness Pal.

I love this little site. It really started me out to help me monitor my fat/protein/carb and calorie intake. It's a good starting point, but I suggest you research into your BMI and what your intake in cals, etc. should be for your height, age, body fat % and health status.

I went to the doc to get my heart checked up and learned that I have a resting heard rate of 60. The heart of an athlete. The lower your resting heart rate, the better (But not lower than 40, or you will be dead!). I think you can find out your own resting heart rate at Shoppers via the blood pressure check. If you are between 50- 80, you are in a very good zone for a 30-year old woman! Here is a helpful chart.

Working out is all about being healthy. Maintaining a healthy low heart rate will ensure optimal health and long life!


Before all this, one thing you should do is outline short term and long term goals.

Did you know that it takes 4 weeks for us to notice our own physical change in our bodies?
And it takes 8 weeks for others to notice the change!

Planning a one, 3 and 6 month goal is definitely the way to go. It can be something small like taking less cream in your coffee, only drinking soda on the weekend instead of during the week, or making all of your lunches instead of buying (You will save money and stave off weight gain!)  Remember not to rush progress. You're adapting a new lifestyle!

I love it when people say they want to make healthier choices. I certainly don't know everything - I am far from being a pro - but I can share what worked for me. Starting small really made all the difference. I started in June 2012 and people started to notice my change in the middle of November. So that took quite a while!

Another key thing is don't do it for anyone else but you.

:)